...except for me and my monkey! "Everything we see hides another thing. We always want to see what is hidden by what we see." -Rene Magritte

Monday, October 18, 2004

I'll get by with a little help from my friends

Hi. Sorry for the delay.

Since my monkey and I have nothing to hide (except for that, and that, and, oh yeah, that), I think it's important for you all to know that I'm back in counseling. It has a lot to do with this sense of sadness that kind of seems to wash over me sometimes, but is never totally absent, and the loneliness, and the crying jags--the same stupid stuff that I've been dealing with in some form or another since elementary school, and I really wish that I were exaggerating when I say that.

I had my first appointment last Thursday. Right before, I was almost overwhelmed with the urge to call and cancel the appointment. Like, ha ha! Just kidding! But that's what I did last February, and then I never went back to schedule another appointment, and I really don't want to fall back into that trap. So I went, and I'm glad I did. The counselor helped me look at a particular issue in a new way that makes a lot of sense, and she gave me some suggestions about how I can reach out to some people around here. It's just--I don't know. I'm having trouble connecting with and relating to some of the people with whom I live, and it's making things difficult; besides saying hi in the halls, we're drifting further and further apart, and I don't know how to fix that, exactly.

I told the counselor about Rilke and the effect that reading Letters to a Young Poet had on me over the summer, but she hadn't heard of either the book or Rilke. I think I'm going to bring in some of his letters to my next appointment, as well as Etty Hillesum's diary. We meet again on Thursday; until then, I'd really appreciate it if you all could toss a couple good thoughts my way.