...except for me and my monkey! "Everything we see hides another thing. We always want to see what is hidden by what we see." -Rene Magritte

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Oh, man.

Well. By now, you all know what happened.

Last night after watching the Daily Show with about 75 people in the Rusty Nail, Clay, Sarah, Riana and I went over to Landon's house to watch the returns come in. If you watched it, you know the Daily Show ended on a pretty depressing note, with Jon Stewart's description of a map of the electoral college: "There's...a lot of red. And some blue up in the corner, where I imagine we'll all be hiding out for the next four years...huddled in a circle...probably weeping." The 45 minutes it took us to find Landon's house (seriously. We all got some good exercise, at least) was kind of a nice respite, and I can't tell you how much I was hoping that we'd get there and Kerry would have jumped way ahead. But you all know how that turned out.

I think the saddest part of last night was late in the evening, when it was pretty clear that Bush was going to take it. Some guys brought out a bottle of champagne--purchased to celebrate Kerry's victory, no doubt--and we all drunkenly toasted four more years of Bush, and tax cuts for the wealthy, and the invasion of Iran, and the conservative takeover of the Supreme Court and the reversal of Roe v. Wade. It was a bittersweet moment. Actually, just bitter.

I've been crying off and on all day. I don't know. I really, really believed that Kerry was going to win, to an extent that I never realized until now. It's just...at least in 2000 we could say that the majority of the American people voted for Gore, and that Bush only won because of the antiquated electoral college. But now...over half of the people in the country who voted actually believe that Bush was the better candidate. I've never felt so isolated as an American, and especially as a young, non-rich American woman. I keep thinking about "my" migrant kids at the summer school, and what this will mean for them. You all know that I consider myself to be pretty patriotic, but with over half of the country voting for a candidate who will roll back gay and women's rights, and immigrant's rights, and progressive taxation, and will continue to pursue a foreign policy that isolates the country from the rest of the world...I don't know. I don't feel like I belong to this country anymore.

Some things I've been reading today: everything on Hissyfit, Universal Donor, Gwen's post, and the last letter in today's Vine on Tomato Nation. Because it's not over.

The one comfort through this has been, as Clay reminded me last night and Ryan reminded me today, I did everything I could. We registered at least 300 people on this campus, dozens for the first time. Multnomah county led the state in voter turnout, and it usually trails. And, you know, Oregon did go Kerry. At least I can say that I did everything I could.

It's just so fucking depressing that that wasn't enough.