...except for me and my monkey! "Everything we see hides another thing. We always want to see what is hidden by what we see." -Rene Magritte

Sunday, July 03, 2005

That's what you yell! That's what you yell!

The highlight of tonight's Eugene Emeralds game, without a doubt, was the running commentary delivered by the possibly stoned high-schoolers sitting behind us. There were three girls and a guy, all in their late teens; my brother said he knew them from school, so they were all probably going into their senior year. The girls were wearing the requisite tank tops, ruffled minis or low-rise jeans, and flip-flops; the guy ("Neil," we soon learned his name was) was wearing a shirt with a popped collar (HATE!), sunglasses, and a trucker hat. I was prepared to dislike them (shallow, I know, but I have a low tolerance for popped collars and trucker hats), but they actually entertained my brother and me throughout the game and will, most likely, live in immortality among my family.

Before the game, the blondest and prettiest of the girls, Emma, went down to the dugout along the first baseline to try to get #12, Brian Cavanaugh's, number. Kira went down with her for moral support. At this point, I was still trying to maintain some appearance that I wasn't just blatently eavesdropping on them and watching them, so I don't know exactly what went on, but it seems that Emma kept chickening out when Brian Cavanaugh walked by her. Pretty soon, Neil had whipped out his cell phone and had called Kira (who was standing maybe fifty yards away from us). Neil: "KIRA! MAKE EMMA TALK TO #12! He's walked by her like THREE TIMES! Tell Emma to stop being such a TURD!"

Emma returned numberless and in shame. However, soon all was forgotten when the Ems took the field. When Brian Cavanaugh ran out to right field, Neil screamed "BRIAN!!!!" Whenever Brian came up to bat, Neil screamed "BRIAN!!!" Whenever another player scored a run and everyone else was cheering, Neil would be--you guessed it--screaming "BRIAN!!!" When they played the "Charge!" music, Neil screamed "BRIAN!!!" They played the when-you're-happy-and-you-know-it song, the foursome behind us modifed it slightly:

"When you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
When you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

They played the YMCA song, and Neil spelled out "B--R--I--A--N!!!" Whenever Brian struck out or was thrown out at a base or, really, whenever the Ems got three outs, Neil yelled, "THAT'S OKAY, BRIAN!!!" Except the best part was that Neil had this really loud laugh, kind of like "HYUH HYUH HUYH!!!" and he cracked himself up so often that usually he only got through the "BRI--" before he started laughing. So every few minutes we'd hear "BRI--hyuh hyuh hyuh!!!" as he and the three girls collapsed in giggles.

Neil also forgot what Brian's last name was, and kept asking, "Is it Mackinaw? Caviar? Cavalaugh?"

Also, at one point Neil got a call on his cell phone, and was heard to utter the now-immortal line: "You're calling from BOSTON? Boston, NEW YORK?" At one point, they played the Sponge Bob-Square Pants theme song over the loudspeakers (yeah, I don't know why either), only it was in some non-English language that I didn't recognize. I don't think it was Spanish. Neil yelled, "What IS this? Is this DUTCH?"

In conclusion: "BRIAN!!!"